The Turning of the Tide: A Single Man’s Reflection on Dating in the Age of Modern Feminism

In the complex landscape of modern dating, the influence of modern Western feminism has been undeniable. As a divorced single man (until just a few months ago) navigating this evolving terrain, I found myself reflecting on how the principles of feminism have impacted the dating dynamics and, at times, complicated my pursuit of meaningful connections.

In short, feminism fucked dating up.

Let’s not take for granted the positive strides the first and second waves of feminism have made in promoting equality between genders. It has challenged traditional stereotypes, empowering women to pursue their aspirations and desires without limitations based on sex. 

However, the [perhaps] unintended consequences of these changes have presented challenges for men seeking traditional romantic relationships.

Gender-schmender

One apparent shift is the recalibration of traditional gender roles. While dismantling restrictive roles is undoubtedly a progressive step forward, it left men like myself uncertain about their place in the dating equation. 

The pressure to be assertive without being perceived as creepy, lewd, or stalkerish or to express vulnerability without looking like a pussy demands an improbable balancing act that can be frustrating as fuck.

No Halfsies

Another area of contention arises from the redefined expectations in dating. The notion of ‘splitting the bill’ and the expectation for men to eschew traditional chivalry can leave some bewildered. 

But there is a dichotomy there that is even more perplexing. Women want men to continue traditional roles in dating, but take a back seat to women in the business arena. 

While many women welcome the idea of financial equality in the boardroom, they want nothing of the sort when it comes to paying the bill at a five-star restaurant.  

For men, this can inadvertently lead to confusion about how to express genuine interest without overstepping ever-changing boundaries – or without being taken for a sucker.

If I must ask your permission to hold your hand, grab your waist, hug you, or kiss you, can I also ask your permission to pay half of the bill, or at least pay the tip? And can I do this without you assuming I am broke or dusty?

#MeToo

Moreover, the emphasis on consent has rightfully taken center stage in the wake of the #MeToo movement. While this positive development had unquestionable merit, it has left some men grappling with a heightened fear of flirting. 

Let’s get real, if there is no flirting it hinders the natural progression of intimacy in relationships. 

The fear of being misunderstood, misconstrued, or accused of misconduct has cast a shadow over the dating landscape, making it more challenging for men to navigate the intricacies of courtship.

In many cases, it’s simply downright dangerous for men to court women.

The fear of saying the wrong thing or inadvertently perpetuating stereotypes (or of triggering a woman’s deepest fears) can lead to self-censorship. Men may find themselves second-guessing their words and actions, creating an environment where open and honest communication now lies dead and dying at the feet of evolving dating norms, established, nurtured, and advocated by women.

Women’s Empowerment Thinned the Herd of Eligible Women

For a single man navigating the dating scene, it’s hard to ignore the subtle shifts that have thinned the herd of eligible women. 

The herd is so thin now that many men have decided to go their own way, focusing on themselves and their careers, and putting women aside.

The empowerment of women has redefined societal expectations and norms, challenging traditional gender roles and reshaping the dynamics of dating.

As a single man observing these changes – progress is undoubtedly commendable – it has introduced new complexities into the dating arena.

One aspect that stands out is the changing definition of success. So-called empowered women often exude what seems to be a clear sense of purpose and independence. Because of their arrogance, they often assume this is intimidating for some men. 

However, despite clinging to this female-empowered independence many modern women still desire the traditional roles of provider and protector, even though they claim not to need the very men they are in a relationship with. 

Traditional roles have been challenged, forcing men to reassess and prioritize their ambitions and values. Many men find it difficult to navigate a relationship when feminist expectations of a successful equal partnership now lean towards favoritism for women.

The result is, that more women enter the dating pool who are educated, career-minded, opinionated, and male-hating, leaving men a smaller number of suitable women to date and marry.

The Delusion Factor

Another factor contributing to the thinning of the dating pool is the rise of self-confidence, (aka arrogance and delusion) among women. 

Empowered women are more likely to have an unrealistically strong sense of self-worth, leading them to believe they are discerning in their choice of a partner when in fact they have strayed from sensible and practical choices in suitable men.

This increased arrogance and delusion of impeccable high value can be both a challenge and a turn-off for men.  Some men will seek to scale those walls women put up just to add another conquest to their belt. Others will turn the other cheek and date someone else entirely.

Why? While it’s refreshing to engage with women who know what they want, it can also create an unrealistically competitive dating environment, where all women think they are entitled to the top 3% of all men.

Money Over Babies

Moreover, the embrace of individuality has led to a diversification of priorities among women. Many are prioritizing personal growth, education, and career advancement over settling down at a young age and having children. 

Wait, let me correct that. Many women prioritize personal growth, education, and career advancement over settling down at a young age and getting married.

The fact is many women are still having babies.  Many career-minded, top-level executives have multiple children by multiple men. 

This shift has inadvertently extended the timeline for finding a life partner but has not affected a woman’s decision to force men into fatherhood by having a child the man does not want. 

Regardless of how many times men say it and shout it from the rooftops, women still think that men of value are willing to openly engage in a long-term relationship and raise another man’s children. 

But I digress…

In the era of women’s empowerment, the expectations for relationships have transformed. Women are increasingly seeking partners who are not just companions but equals in every sense. This demand for equality, while commendable, adds a layer of complexity to dating. Men are now tasked with navigating relationships that require a balance of shared responsibilities and mutual respect.

Sounds amazing, right?

While this feminist era challenges traditional power dynamics, women still refuse to step up to the plate and be men. They want it all. 

Despite being equal, they want men to pay for every date. Despite being equal, they want the man’s money to be ours, but her money to be hers. 

Feminists and modern Western women have thinned the dating pool with an unrealistic shift in expectations to promote gender equality, yet advocate unequal dynamics. 

Selective Feminism

Women want all the good aspects of being men, and none of the bad.

Navigating the Double Standards

As a single man navigating the complexities of modern relationships and feminist expectations, I find myself contemplating a phenomenon that I’ve come to term “Selective Feminism.” It’s a concept that suggests some women desire the advantages traditionally associated with being a man while avoiding the accompanying challenges.

Selective Feminism, in my perspective, refers to the subtle nuance of instances where women embrace the positive aspects of male privilege without fully acknowledging or accepting the responsibilities and challenges that come with it. 

Women often bitch and moan about the gender pay gap, which has been disproven, but refuses to admit a big cause of this is the high-paying dirty jobs and highly physical jobs that no woman wants to do. 

Modern Feminism may seek to end gender-based dismissal of the genuine struggles women face or undermine the progress made toward gender equality, but it fails to deliver a more nuanced approach to dismantling gender norms.

It is one of the most evident manifestations of Selective Feminism in the professional realm. Women fought for significant milestones in the workplace, breaking through glass ceilings and proving their competence in various fields, yet they fought just as valiantly to avoid tasks or roles traditionally associated with men.

Everyone, both men and women, wants to be the leader sitting in the executive chair in the boardroom. But how many women are willing to be electricians, plumbers, facilities managers, or sewer pipe cleaners for a commercial building?

These jobs stink. They suck. And they pay good money.

Unfortunately, amongst Modern Western women, Selective Feminism does seem to represent the majority of women advocating for gender equality. This issue serves as a reminder that achieving true equality requires a shared understanding of both the privileges and challenges associated with each gender, and a willingness to embrace both.

Selective Feminism prompts us to reflect on the complexities of gender equality and the importance of acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages associated with different roles. 

Men have already proven their willingness. Why can’t women be more like men? Oh, I forget. They are like men.

But are they, though?