This is part two of the series…
December 2019 I flew back to Vietnam to spend time with Nghia. I’d made the decision to return to VN after we’d learned that our visa petition and application had been rejected by the US Consulate in Vietnam and sent back to the USCIS stateside for reconsideration.
I’d flown to Vietnam in late April and spent two wonderful weeks. I had alone time with Nghia in Saigon (Ho Chi Min City), then we took a luxury bus to a commune just outside of Phan Tiet to visit her parents, sister, brother-in-law, uncles, aunts, and cousins.
During my first visit, I fell in love with Nghia even deeper because I fell in love with her family. They treated me like a welcomed and honored guest. They went out of their way to accommodate me and communicate with me. You can see the highlights of my visit under my travel blog at http://www.thewritetravel.com.
However, during this second visit in the same year, things went drastically different.
Granted, the visit was planned under less than ideal circumstances. In fact, I’d planned the visit because Nghia and I knew we were looking at certain uncertainty as to when we’d legally be able to see each other in the US. I wanted to make sure not too much time elapsed between visits.
But I was woefully unprepared and woefully stressed by growing responsibilities at work. I’d been promoted a year ago and now was in charge of the site. The work stress caused me to stop working out (I quite my gym membership) and I gained weight. So now I was stressed, financially strapped (I wasn’t financially prepared for an international trip) and I’d gained 24 pounds in six months.
Talk about a recipe for disaster.
First things first: when you have a significant other in Vietnam, and you, through extension of your relationship with that significant other, share your upcoming excursion with extended family, you’ll receive many requests to bring lots of things with you on your international flight.
It’s annoying as fuck, but culturally, it’s a part of family responsibilities.
So, my efforts to “pack lightly” resulted in an extra bag and an extra 20-50 kg of luggage to bring with me. Unfortunately, when I’d finally had enough and decided to reduce my luggage back down to 1 checked bag — I’d left half of the things I had planned to bring with me as gifts.
Add to that some communication confusion between Nghia and I about gifts for family and friends, and there were even more things I did not bring with me.
To that, I offer this. I’d told Nghia that during my previous visit we’d spent a lot of time and money traveling (Uber, Grab, taxi) to meet up with friends and family. I urged her to convey to family and friends our intention to minimize travel — and expenses. Sure, we’d meet anyone and everyone who wanted to see me in Vietnam, but they’d have to travel to my hotel, or nearby.
Nghia had difficulty conveying that sentiment to friends, family and colleagues. In fact, she didn’t really tell them at all. That didn’t sit well with me because I felt like I had to be the bad guy telling everyone “no” when in fact, I shouldn’t have been asked the question of whether we’d travel 20-40 minutes by Grab taxi to meet someone each time one of the 20+ folks Nghia knew found out I was in town.
So, in between visits to the park, attending pho street vendors and just hanging out at the hotel, Nghia and I argued. We argued a lot.
After four days of bickering constantly I didn’t want to stay another 7 days. I checked Asiana Airlines to see if could take an earlier flight. I figured I might as well go back to work. At least then I’d be in my comfort zone, not 22,000 km away.
And that’s when I learned something absolutely, totally dreadful.
After all this time, I realized I had interpreted my return flight information incorrectly. My flight back to the US was a full day sooner than I expected. That means my calculated plans to spend a whirlwind 24 hours with Nghia’s family was not going to work.
We’d planned to check out of the hotel, take a taxi to the luxury bus for the six-hour ride to Phan Thiet City. There I would have to register with the local government officer and then spend the night with family. More than likely I’d make several walking distance drop-bys to her uncles, grandparents, cousins etc before having food and drinks for dinner with mom and dad and next-door cousins. The next day would be a long travel day. In the morning Nghia and I would jump back on the luxury bus, take the six-hour journey back to Saigon. We’d hang out in a coffee shop near the airport where we’d kill a few hours before I checked in for my flight.
But that plan went to shit when I realized that I would not be able to see Nghia’s parents at all during this trip.
That shit did not go over well…
I was fat, grumpy, stressed, unhappy and tired. Nghia was unhappy, stressed and fearful that she hadn’t been helpful in keeping my trip enjoyable. We were a shipwreck waiting to happen.
To be continued…
S̄wạs̄dī
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