American men who date and marry women from countries in Southeast Asia, often choose women who are significantly younger than they are. And why not? Average American men are a hot commodity outside of the United States.
If an older man has his pick of a woman in her early twenties or a woman in her late thirties or early forties, most would choose the latter. The age difference isn’t for everybody. And there are certain challenges that they face with that age gap.
Make no mistake about it. There are inescapable challenges and expectations if you’re going to do that.
However, I want to discuss something else today. What I want to talk about is something that should be spoken about more often. There are a lot of guys who do it – I know because I see it, and I’m one of them.
But I’m starting to wonder if these guys don’t talk about it because they want to keep it a secret.
I’m not quite there – yet – but a lot of guys head to the Phillippines, Thailand, and now places like Indonesia, and Vietnam, when they reach retirement age and are looking to settle down with someone fit, feminine, and friendly.
They come to Southeast Asia after they’ve been single all their life or divorced for quite a few years. Some have even been widowed and refused to rejoin the dating scene.
Regardless of the reason, I’m talking about men who have not been dating regularly for a few years. For American men, there’s likely another reason and that’s that they don’t care for the feminist Western influence type of women that they keep bumping into.
So when anyone decides to come to Vietnam regularly as a Passport Brother, or if they decide to move here or maybe even meet a woman from here online.
When the opportunity comes up to have the option of a younger woman, as expected, a lot of guys consider their options carefully. If I can have a younger woman, why not have a much younger woman, in her twenties?
And the truth is, why not? And so they give it a try.
So, among expatriates in Southeast Asia – especially in the Phillippines – what you have is a lot of relationships between men in their late fifties and sixties with women in their early twenties.
And that’s just kind of a common thing. It’s not an extraordinary circumstance.
When I worked in Little Saigon I dated a 20-year-old Vietnamese girl named Tanya (Thao) when I was 51. I don’t know if people looked at us twice because I was African American and she was Vietnamese or because of our age difference.
I will say the only time I felt conspicuous about the age difference was when we ventured outside of Little Saigon and were gawked at by Americans.
But what I want to present to you is the other side of the age coin. What are the advantages of dating or marrying a woman closer to your age, for example, a woman over 35?
In Asia in general, a lot of women over 35 are considered by society as leftover women. In the States, we call it hitting the wall. This is the phenomenon when women in their thirties realize they’re competing with all the young 20-year-olds.
This happens all over the world, but for Southeast Asian women it forces them to consider the fact that local expats aren’t paying as much attention to them as they are the younger girls.
Women over 35 in Southeast Asia are 10x different than American and Western Women of the same age. I would never date an American woman over 35 because the likelihood that she is delusional, feminist, overestimates her value in the dating arena, and has unrealistic expectations is too great.
But I’m here to tell you that there are certain advantages to dating an Asian woman in her mid-thirties or her 40s. Primarily, if a man is already in his fifties or sixties, a woman who’s 35 or 40 is still quite a bit younger than he is! With youth comes vigor, excitement, fitness, and style.
Moreover, a 20-year-old is still not mature, experienced, or as stable as you. Sure, the 35-40-year-old isn’t guaranteed to be stable, but she has experienced significantly more of life’s ups and downs.
Ladies in their 20s are inherently immature and childlike. Immaturity and inexperience are not a welcome mix.
20-year-olds are still trying to explore the world. They have a permanent case of FOMO. Even if they aren’t an insane party girl, they are still active and curious about the world. They won’t heed your warnings and more often than not they will have to FAFO.
If this younger woman is with you she now has access to your money, which in turn gives her access to many more things in life, situations to be explored and destinations to be conquered.
Meanwhile, there you are in your early sixties, trying to exorcise your soul of a lifetime of trauma from poor relationships and horrible bosses. All you want to do is chill-the-fuck-out.
You want to move slowly. She wants to move at the speed of sound. Now you have conflict and tension.
But if you date a 35, 40-year-old, both of you will likely be looking at your life and hobbies at the same speed.
Look at it this way: an older woman isn’t a noob to life and its nuances. She’s someone who’s been around the block. She understands how life works and how unpredictable it can be.
She will have learned how to get a job, maintain a household, and raise children. There is no 100% rule that every woman over 35 is mature, responsible, and steady, but the majority of women over 35 will be.
Too many men over sixty and nearly all women under 25 look at relationships from a purely romantic perspective. The fact that you both like Mexican food or walks on the beach at sunset has little to do with the success of a relationship.
A long-lasting relationship has everything to do with moving in unison, providing mutual support, and prioritizing needs over desires.
The advantage you have with a woman over 35 is that by that point in her life, she has a clearer idea of what she wants out of her relationships and her marriage.
Unlike Western women, Southeast Asian women tend to be less delusional at this point because they know the competition is fierce.
A woman over 35 knows if she wants to be a full-time wife and homemaker. She knows what it entails to be this kind of stay-at-home wife.
She won’t lament discontinuing her career goals to support yours. If she has children already they are long past the diaper-change stage and will be easy to parent.
Another thing is that older women, who’ve had careers and still do, to put it bluntly, don’t need your money. They’re not after you because they have no plan in life.
Perhaps coupling with you and building with you is part of their plan. That makes you important.
In fact, you may find a widowed Vietnamese woman who was already married to an expat American, Australian, or European. Being widowed, they’re accustomed to living with a Western man.
Chances are, they got married at 19 to someone in their sixties or even seventies. Now it’s 15 years later, their husband is deceased and they’re looking for a new partner in life.
Most Western males have life insurance so if your woman of 35 or 40 is widowed, she’s probably doing fine financially. That eliminates the fear of, is she only with me for my money?
An older woman is likely self-sustaining, she’s done with her party days, she knows what she wants from a relationship or marriage, and she either has older children or she’s given up on having children. At her age, she simply wants a solid, respectful, and enjoyable relationship.
Vietnamese women tend to take very good care of themselves. Also, as a flex, they must show the world that they take very good care of their man. They will buy him everything from brand-name T-shirts and shoes to designer backpacks to showcase their financial ability.
Vietnamese women tend to be diminutive, softer, and more fit. Their hygiene is second to none and they are as cute, beautiful, and friendly as you imagine. They will smile happily when they see you and rarely offer the pretense of not caring.
So I just wanted to put that out there for you guys who are actively dating someone from Thailand, The Phillippines, Indonesia, Malaysia, or Vietnam, If you’re in your fifties and not having luck with younger women, you may want to level up age-wise before you posting your horror stories. I guarantee you, you’ll find a good woman sooner this way.
Consider this the next time you plan a visit to Southeast Asia. Put Vietnam on your list and change your dating app preferences to someone a little older.
Those of you ex-pats who are married to an older woman, I’d love to hear from you in the comments.