The Ugly Truth About Workplace Harassment
I got into a workplace harassment situation decades ago when I worked as a Customer Response Representative at Digital Equipment Corporation.
We had a diverse mix of phone reps in a 30-person call center—Black, White, Puerto Rican, West Indian, Russian, Cuban, etc. I got along with everyone. Everyone, that is except one Black female supervisor.
The problem I had with the supervisor was strictly personality-based. She was an ugly person with an ugly personality and a bad attitude. Let’s call her Noelle.
What made me hate Noelle more was that she told all the young men in the call center that she used to be a model. That was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard. The bitch was ugly AF by any definition.
At this time we didn’t have “real people models” like we do now. Models were very thin, beautiful, and capable of catching your eye even without make-up.
This woman was sloppy, and frumpy, and never had her hair done in any way that was even remotely attractive.
While the guys in the office feigned fawning over her to appease her ego – she was our supervisor – I never said a word to her. I ignored her.
To me, she was a straight-up liar.
I told the guys she was lying about being a model. I said there was no way she was making money modeling unless it was for being the ugly person in a photoshoot. However, I never once uttered those words to her.
Word got around about how I felt about her, and she started trying to intimidate me. At first, she would just appear out of nowhere in the call center and harass me indirectly. Then Noelle started criticizing my work. For every so-called reprimand, I promptly and succinctly agreed to make the changes she demanded.
I never wanted to say more than three words to her at any given time.
Massaging the Truth
The guys started to notice the harassment and suggested I get on board with the program and just suck up to her. The thought of doing so made me want to vomit.
As I mentioned, I got along with everyone. Because we all spent a lot of time on the phones and entering data into a computer terminal, every one complained of neck aches and sore shoulders. I had studied anatomy and physiology in high school so I was good at locating muscles in the neck, shoulders, and upper back for massaging.
Many of the ladies in the call center were happy to have me drop by and give them a shoulder rub.
And the answer is yes, I was using massages to flirt with women in the office.
I would make my way through the call center giving shoulder rubs, but I would purposely and deliberately skip over Noelle’s cubicle.
She made a point of coming into a cubicle where I was massaging a woman’s shoulders. Noelle commented how the woman would get “cooties” for letting me put my “dirty hands” on her.
I ignored her, laughed, and kept massaging the woman. Noelle made a point of telling the woman she couldn’t touch her unless she washed her hands.
I chuckled. Dumb bitch. I know what you’re doing. You’re cock-blocking.
Feminist Double Standards
One thing led to another and one weekend I came in to work while Noelle was in charge of the shift. I ignored her the entire day. She went on a little rant in the officer, indirectly calling me stupid, dumb, not a man, a bad worker, etc.
I got pissed and followed her abusive strategy by indirectly saying aloud, “Dumb, ugly, unwed motherfuckers should stop lying about their fake careers and be happy with their ugly ass babies.”
I probably shouldn’t have said that. She came storming out of her office, sat down on the corner of my desk, and started talking shit to me directly. I’m pretty sure she said something about slapping me and I said, it would be something she regretted for the rest of her life. She accused me of threatening her and filed a complaint with HR.
Noelle tried to get me fired. However, she was a supervisor and in a position of authority. Since I leveled a complaint against her for workplace harassment, she couldn’t make the situation about sexual harassment.
In mediation, Noelle backtracked on almost everything she had said or done to me. She admitted nothing and blamed it on me misunderstanding her intentions. She said she had nothing against me and didn’t know why I had reacted to her that way.
I apologized for using profanity in the office. That was as far as I went. I told the mediator that I knew what I had heard and how it made me feel. I called bullshit on everything she said, but I agreed to take her word for it and move on as if everything was just a great big misunderstanding.
Role Reversal – Facts Over Feminist Feelings
I bring this up because Modern Women would undoubtedly take this woman’s side. They would empathize with her, and without knowing more, blame me for creating the hostile environment in which this woman flourished.
But, if the roles were reversed, they would immediately say that the patriarchy was in place and a man was bullying a woman in the workplace, leaving her defenseless against his evil tactics.
In this current environment, believing all women puts men’s lives at risk. We’ve seen countless true stories of women taking advantage of society’s desire to protect them, and incarcerating men based solely on a woman’s statement.
When it comes to modern American women, a man must be prepared for his girlfriend to launch a public attack on him should he break up with her in a manner she doesn’t choose or like.
She can come up with the most vicious and horrendous lies and the world will likely believe her. Even those women who see through the lies will never say anything against the sisterhood.
Accountability Is Moden Women’s Downfall
When I hang out with my boys and I do something stupid they laugh at me and tell me I am stupid. They tell me not to do it again.
If I am being irrational or too emotional, they tell me and suggest I never do it again.
If I am being unfair or unreasonable, they tell me.
My brothers hold me accountable for the things I say and do. They don’t flip-flop just because I might. They stay true. They don’t care what my emotional state is.
Women, on the other hand, do care what emotional state their friends and family are in. They use this as an excuse to not hold other women accountable for their actions, deeds, thoughts, or words.
More often than not, women and their friends are fueled by and ruled by their emotions at the time.
Had a bad day? Excuse. Did someone piss you off? Excuse. Is it your time of the month? Excuse.
I had a tumultuous relationship with a single mother who had bad periods. I soon noticed a cycle of us having really bad arguments every month during her period. I pointed this out to her and suggested we come up with a plan so we would stop arguing so much.
I suggested that she tell me, “Hey babe, I’m starting my period and I’m feeling grouchy.” or something like that. This would signal me to be on my best behavior and be more accommodating.
It would also signal her to be more cognizant of her actions and mood.
She wanted absolutely nothing to do with a plan that asked her to take responsibility for controlling her moods. It was like this: she had an issue controlling her temper when she was on her period, but I was the only one responsible for doing something about it.
A Constant Reminder for Passport Bros
Passport Bros must remind themselves daily that some women will not apologize for the rude, crude, mean, and evil things they say and do while they are on their periods or in any other highly emotional state.
It’s as if apologizing for it somehow takes away their right to do it next time.
They are correct. It does.
But I soon learned that this behavior was normal. You will too. The behavior resurfaced in every relationship I experienced, except for two. Both were non-American women. One woman was from Cuba and the other was from Jamaica.
And of course, my present wife, from Vietnam.
Passport Bros need to know their worth. Be confident that statistically, your value goes up as you grow older and more mature and established. There isn’t the same wall for men as there is for women.